Are You Gonna Be My Girl?

I'm in a good mood, I have been for a while now. Nothing can bring me down? Not even failing an assessment! Everything happens for a reason right? I just know what I need to work more on, I love feedback. I have framed stress as an exciting rollercoaster ride and I am white knuckling my way through life.

If I get psychotic I feel like I am in an action thriller. No need to visit Cineworld, I'm in OCD World. I'd never pull the trigger so I must be the hero in the trilogy of my life.

I'm fed, sheltered, challenged, have great goals and believe I am wealthy in many aspects of my life. Maslow would have wet dreams over me and his "Hierarchy of Needs". Freud would have a field day too! I am completly aware I have used the word "I" many times in this post already. Narcissistic much?

I have everything I want, but I'd take more sex if it was offered . . . ah relationships, that's where I was suppost to be going with this post.

I am single. Just to re-iterate I am single, this is not word play or a artistic metaphor. Not this time. I don't advertise it on facebook, I don't verbally say it. It is written in every action I take.

Who knows by the time you are reading this post I may be an active participant in polygamous party. I may have even found the infamous "one", or perhaps just "the one for now". Maybe I will be happy and single forever. Are the two mutally exclusive?

A detailed back catalog of my previous affairs isn't necessary, but you need bringing up to speed right?

There was the one. That lasted two years, until it was decided I was changing into a different (dickhead) person.

Then there was the second. The friend that turns into love, but you decide it is what it is in the moment. Another brilliant two years.

Then the classic re-bound booty. I got so excited at being single, I jumped straight back into bed and served six months served for my sins.

I cheated on two out of the three (I will let you decide who I did the dirty on). I don't want to be a c*nt, I guess I just have a dark side.

Oh there was also a few times ,when I was younger, that I thought I was in love but it was more like infactuation (I always snigger when women use that line).

I'm a romantic at heart. What see you is what you get with me. A lack of trust, flowers, letters, poems and in some cases orgasms :s You also get a risk rating of ten.

I want to be the man of your dreams, but the best I can offer is brutal honesty. Telling somebody you have cheated on them (and sitting down to tell their mother) takes balls, trust me on that one.

You hurt them, you hurt yourself and in return you get freedom from the lies (and if she is smart - the relationship). I always come, even if that means coming clean.

Last night I re-watched half of "The Last Kiss" (I never watch a whole film in one go, unless I am coerced into visiting the Cinema to watch somebody elses struggle on the big screen)

That movie taught me that honesty trumps all, love comes a close second.

I don't want to be a dick head, it's just sometimes I don't know what I want (I'm human, i want what you want L-O-V-E).

At the moment I feel like I am in Love, but there is nobody in particular, I'm just high on life.

I believe I can control my emotions (At least I want to). I know lots of beautiful and intelligent women (not mutually exclusive!!!!) but I still have anxiety about what they think of me.

What if they think I am joking with my brutal honesty? What if they think I am still playing games? When you have played out with pick up artists, travelled and lived with the CEO of a popular dating website, red flags go up. What if they think my past behaviour dictates any futue potential relationships?

I'd never get into a relationship without letting the other person know who I really am? i'm not that guy. When they enter my world and meet my family and friends they will just be seeing an extension of me (and those closest to me have the best dirt on Spoony D).

But these beautiful, intelligent girls, they arn't perfect either. They have their weaknesses, they have made mistakes. They have also been toughened by the dick-heads before me.

They have good reason to dis-trust. It takes one to know one.

I have been single for a while now, I say I am sorting myself out before I subject somebody else to me.

All I want for Christmas is you.

Would you want to be my girl?