LinkedIn recently notified me that it has been two years since my on again off again relationship with OCD World UK began. Just like the condition itself, it rears it's head speradically throughout the years and I have accepted that it will never truly leave me until the day I die (which will be a long long ways a way when I have a heart attack in a strip club or get crushed by a falling piano).
This time of year is great for taking stock and reflecting on how far we have all come and grown. When I started the site it looked very different but I had dreams of it being the "best" OCD / mental health blog on the planet. As you probabily know I am a massive narcissist and self promoter. I spent too many years playing myself down so now I spend at least an hour a month googling my own name to make sure I am at the top of the page :/ My trumpet was made to be blown by my own lips (yes I'm still that flexible).
Now I just aim to be the best I can be. I know it sounds l cheesy . . . heck even as I type it there is a little voice in my head that is saying "thats loser talk". Images of primary school sports day flash to the forefront of my mind, where everybody got a sweet no matter how fast or slow they carried the egg and spoon (ironically both are now my nicknames). I remember during my rebelious early twenties, as I made my first shakey steps into the corporate world, being angry at my headmaster for encouraging non competitveness and everybody gets a prize. Now I smile with my mug of tea and think "what a great guy". He was a legend and his life lessons still resonate with me to this day.
I'm getting off topic (but Billy Connolly made a career from it so I shall continue). I guess what I am saying is OCD World UK has been a great creative outlet for me. What ever emotion I am feeling I can hammer away at the key board, upload my photos and share my interests and meandering life story. It allows me to get everything out of my head. My personal philosophy is everybody should be transparent. It saves time and cuts the bullshit. When it is all down in black and white (my favourite colours along with red . . . obviously) it can be misinterpreted, but fuck it. Not everybody is suppost to like you. That's not the point.
Just because I thought it, said it, wrote it five years ago, doesn't make it true today. People cange (that's why I have no tatoos, well that and my fear of needles). The people who choose to spend their precious time with me can't think I am a bad person really?
I remember venutring into internet dating when I was layed up on the couch after being run over by a double decker bus (yeah that happened! - I am still self concious people thing I am trying to walk like a hard nut, but alas I really am that stupid). I recieved constant feedback from validation seeking attention whores that "i'm not that opinionated and ballsy in real life". I told them if they had the sack to actually meet me in real life they would realise they where wrong . . . again. Plus "I can't walk to a bar right now, whats your excuse, with your strategically taken selfies amplifying your cleavage complaining you want a genuine man". NEXT.
Needless to say I was back in the bars with my crutches getting face slapped in no time at all (It's only happened once, and I find the rewards far out weigh the risks).
Oh to the girl I was seeing at the time I guess this is a confession that I was internet "cheating on you", but I was bored, and you where a million miles away. Plus we later learned on a plane ride from Tenerife that you didn't realise kissing was being unfaithful, so I guess it all evens out in a perverse way.
Maybe this year will bring a woman I can be truley faithful with, and we can make a little Ted and Poppy. Then we can dress them up like us and encourage them to do all the things we with we had done with our lives. My mum will shower them with gifts and love and the circle of life will be complete. Just a thought.
Enjoy the Christmas song from MC Lars and the photos of Chester in the winter time (backdated). I still maintain it is the greatest City on earth. If you are ever in town I will gladdly show you around my stomping ground.
Have a great Christmas, don't spend to much money - the people that love you don't care really. Fuck "talk talk", thanks to your crappy service we can't talk to my brother during this festive season.
Remember all work and no play made jack have a nervous breakdown.