I find it weird how some moments, sentences and events stick in the mind, like the minority of glitter on a child’s collage. This happens to everybody not just mentals like me with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Most statements just flow past us in the stream of day to day dialogue. The bulk zip off into the ether, while others that seem insignificant at the time, are played in our surround sound brain cinema over and over, for years and years.
The cheeky observation made by a friend, a compliment from a boss, or a criticism from a family member. Sometimes you get the feeling that the quote or information you are receiving is going to have a profound impact on your life forever, a seminal moment sending you off on a tangent in your experience of the world. Other times it’s just that silly jelly joke you remember from when you were in primary school or a line from your favourite Hollywood blockbuster.
The cheeky observation made by a friend, a compliment from a boss, or a criticism from a family member. Sometimes you get the feeling that the quote or information you are receiving is going to have a profound impact on your life forever, a seminal moment sending you off on a tangent in your experience of the world. Other times it’s just that silly jelly joke you remember from when you were in primary school or a line from your favourite Hollywood blockbuster.
With what seems like a random lottery of occurrence, your favourite painting in the Amsterdam art gallery carries a blue tombola ticket in the mind raffle. With no discrimination or prejudice between positive and negative the roulette wheel spins and an event real is replayed with the distortion of time and perspective.
I find it weird how some moments, sentences and events stick in the mind, like the minority of glitter on a child’s collage.
You have already associated feelings to each thought, but now your mood and physiology influence the rerun in your head.
We can choose to watch whatever show we want, directors of our own experience. That’s unless we are having a bad OCD day or are in the pits of depression. Then the first kiss or the surprise birthday relived are replaced with nasties from the confined darkness of our obsessive minds.
Renegade memories highjack the reins of the head and show their faces on wanted posters flashing between the eyes over and over. You have no control over these sound bites and flash images. They deliver there unrequested emotion then piss off.
Every day is full of tiny moments. How is it decided which ones will stick with you? Sometimes you are struck by a realisation so profound you know it is going to hitch a ride as brain baggage for some years, while others, seemingly insignificant events at the time, pop up repeatedly for years, doing there dam best to teach you a lesson you seem unready to grasp yet.
But some renegade memories highjack the reins of the head and show their faces on wanted posters flashing between the eyes over and over . . . They deliver there unrequested emotion then piss off.
You commit certain things to memory, the taste of the lasagne your first girlfriend made you, while others are just smacking you in the nose like the clear heels you stripper flat mate kept underneath her bed.
The web of connections in your mind, the highway for thoughts and day dreams grows each and every day. Do the reassess dissolve in the periphery? Is there a physical limit to its size blocked in by your ears like book ends.
Mind be quite, let me be in the moment.
This moment.
Will you remember this?
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